Do you marry who you love or the person who loves you?. A friend once told me that she wouldn’t want to date or marry a man that she doesn’t love because she may end up cheating on him.

Well, for the relationships where she loved the men, they never ended well. The men always left or were very unserious at the end of the day.

So, do you date and marry who you love or the man who loves you? There have been situations where women went all out to marry the love of their lives, and guess what, the marriage did not last the first five years.

There have also been situations where people marry the man who came seriously interested in them, and they got married within a few months, and it’s happily ever after.

Love is very dicey; it’s never black and white. Sometimes it never falls through as expected. So, what should one do when it comes to making big decisions like who to get married to?

Very unpopular opinion, but I think marriage is a big decision, and I strongly believe every woman should go for a man who loves them. What are you holding on to?

A lot of times, the woman is said to be the homemaker; well, that may be true. But this is Africa, and when a man says it’s over here, the marriage is as good as over. A woman must marry a man who is fully ready for the lifetime commitment of marriage.

A man who is ready to face all the responsibilities that come with marriage.

So does love have any role in the scheme of things?. Yes, love is good, and attraction is beautiful, but that will not keep any long-lasting relationship.

These two people must be ready for commitment. So do you marry the man you love or the man who loves you?. The big decision is yours.

He ghosted you, and you are asking yourself what you may have done wrong. There you were thinking you were the love of his life, and he wouldn’t breathe without you. Yet, he left and never looked back.

Below are three reasons why he ghosted you

1. He lost interest

Sadly, he lost interest in the relationship and didn’t know how to tell you straight up face-to-face. A lot of men are afraid to hurt a woman’s feelings, so they would rather just disappear into thin air than come forward and tell you the truth that he has moved on. A relationship is not marriage, so please do not feel too bad that he has lost interest. You are still special; it’s just that you were not made for him. Heal and move on.

2. He couldn’t break up like an adult

It’s funny that when he wanted to ask you to be his girlfriend, he dared to tell you how he felt, take you out on dates, and spoil you with gifts. However, for reasons best known to him, he is no longer interested in the relationship and cannot man up to tell you to your face. You deserve a standard breakup, face-to-face, but let’s just say he was afraid of your reaction. He knew you deserved better.

3. He knew you deserve better

Yes, he knew you deserved better. He loves you too much to let you end up with him and all his shadiness. Some breakups are a blessing in disguise. So the next time that man you love to the end of the world suddenly becomes unreachable, don’t beat yourself up too much. Also, don’t see yourself as the problem. He has made his decision; let him go. Cry your eyes out, if you have to, but heal. You owe yourself that.

But if he comes back, ensure you don’t take him back. He is a ghost, and what do we do to ghosts? We run as fast as we can from them.

Do women marry the love of their life or the man who proposes marriage because he is ready?.

I guess we will have to answer that question together. While growing up, we grew with the understanding that everyone had a soulmate or the love of their life.

That handsome man will sweep them off their feet, and together they will have a happily ever after. Is that the reality today?. Well, things have changed. Roles have changed,

Women now make money and hustle just as hard as their male counterparts. There is a new breed of women who want to work for their own money and would not wait for a man to provide for them what they can get for themselves.

Last year, I witnessed a wedding between a friend and her husband. They met on Facebook. The man was just ready to marry, and she, on the other hand, wanted the same thing. Within a few months, they were already man and wife. Guess what? They are parents of twin girls now.

Would I say she was head over heels in love with him when they got married? I don’t think so. I’m sure you would like him very much, enough to marry him, though.

A lot of Nigerian men are running away from commitment. They want kids and all the benefits that come with marriage; however, they don’t want to make a home with just one woman.

So do women now marry for love or just for ready men? The answer will go both ways. A small percentage would marry the love of their life. Their childhood love, the man they met in university in their first year, they dated till they got married 10 years later. However, a good number will marry when they meet a ready man. No relationship, no fancy dates—there would be a no-baecation.

So do women marry for love? Or ready, men?. What do you think the answer is?

The typical Nigerian wedding is usually big and grand. It is more than the coming together of a man and a woman, it’s a celebration for both families.

To this end, many intending couples spend millions of Naira on their wedding day. This is because of several reasons. Some do this to prove a point that they are very wealthy.

Others do it to “pepper” their friends and family, especially when their first son or daughter is getting married. A great number spend money that they don’t have for their wedding because they feel that day is special and it should be celebrated, even if it means they go broke.

It is different when you have the money to celebrate, it’s a different ball game when you have to take a loan or start borrowing from friends to have a grand celebration.

Photo of Priscilla Ojo and Chioma Good hair at JP2025

One funny situation that has been going on for years in places like Nigeria is when female friends solicit support for their weddings. They go as far as “billing” their friends, stating a certain amount that they want as financial support from them.

We understand that in Nigeria, we have the “community” mindset, and we are used to coming through for each other. However, that mindset may be your undoing when it comes to family and friends.

To feel entitled to someone’s income is just another dose of crazy. In Nigeria, people practically send you their wedding list and ask you to state which of the bills you desire to clear.

Is it our wedding? Why must we all empty our accounts on top of your conjugal bliss? When did your wedding become our wedding?

Backbiting is simply malicious talk about someone who is not present, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

It simply means that no matter how you sugar coat it, when you say spiteful things behind a person knowing fully well that they cannot defend themselves at that moment, it is backbiting.

Why do women always feel the need to “talk”. When I say “talk’ i do not mean passing comments or just harmless statements. We say things to bring down another woman. Even if its just about their makeup, or its about that dress or maybe their job.

Just because you said it behind them and also had the audacity to repeat it in front of them doesn’t in any way make it less harmful. You said what you say right? You must be proud of yourself.

Dear woman, I hope we resist the urge to have an opinion for everything or anything that we see. I hope we realise that most of the time our opinions in an issue is simply unsolicted.

In our quest to be seen as mindful or interested in the well being of others, we spread our lips everywhere, now talking about things that entirely doesn’t concern us.

The bitter truth remains that backbiting will always be all shades of wrong. Will you be proud to say those things you said behind your supposed friend? Have you even had a conversation about all of your concerns that you now feel the need to say the things behind them.

Will female friendships ever be devoid of backbiting?. Or is it a reality that we just have to sit with, take a deep breath and say ” as long as we are women, we are not getting out of this”. Is backbiting our normal normal or we can really do better?